Struggling to find Wholeness? Struggling to be Restored?

“The best way to survive grief is to express it. It needs to be shared with others and with God.” (S.F.L.B. NKjV)

I stumble, like a three-legged competitor, trying to find my way. Like a toddler running at the Olympic Games.

Raw, helpless, paralized in this position, like Jeremiah, who wrote Lamatations.

In our nation of individualism, I tend to want to pull myself up by the bootstraps, paste a relevant verse on it, twist my words to sound confident; brave, defeating, victorious over grief.

Yet, as this tidalwave of grieve rushes across me, this aching sense of loss for what was or could never be, jumbles in my spirit, as I work to navigate such feelings…

I imagine the Crusaders and their own encounters with grief….

I consider King David or Jeremiah; men real, raw, authentic in their communication, genuine in their belief systems, affective in their truth telling.

I don’t want to be fake, plastic, void of the humanity that Christ knit me together within my Mother’s womb.

I want to feel, be, walk in tune with the rush and waves, victories and defeats that are common to all of us, as human beings.

I want to articulate this pain and joy; be able to pull others in, connect with people who might not be able to articulate in any assemblance or eloquence.

I want to give voice to the voiceless and power to the weakest….Not because I avoided, but because I felt the ache that weighs upon my being…

Though death itself, it is defeated.

Lamatations starts with what appears as judgement against God’s people. And Jeremiah doesn’t deflect, project, or point to someone else for the cause of such a situation.

A true cross-bearer, faith-declarer, Jeremiah doesn’t fancy up the edges or decorate the message.

He says what needs to be said, even if it’s pointing the pains a nation was feeling, back on the people who deserved it.

A true prophet takes us all off of our pedestals, and points to Christ in His rightful place; high and lifted up, exalted and worshipped, speaking as an oracle of Him.

And who are we that we don’t fear Him?

Who are we that we think we can live in selfishness, fight with power, force and demand our own way, while the God of the Universe has no say over our rivalry with Him?

We are not God.

I hear this message over and over again in my spirit. We cannot even lift our heads in the mornings, if it were not for grace and His goodness…

Blessing us with breath in our lungs and strength in our legs.

But then, by the middle of Chapter three of Lamatations, something changed. Jeremiah shifts His perspective in the midst of lamenting, and God reveals to Him his goodness.

“His compassion fails not.” 

“They are new every morning.”

“Great is your faithfulness.”

Faithfulness. Like fidelity in marriage. Never changing. Dependable.

God amidst our struggles and trials; the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Never leaving, never abandoning, never turning His head in hate, as if our filthiness isn’t worth cleaning.

• In Him we always have enough.
• In Him, there is always a way out.
• In Him, we can have the hope every nation and political system and people group have been seeking.

“The Lord is my portion.”

“Therefore I hope in Him.”

“It is good that one should hope and wait quietly.”

Jeremiah’s heart shifts from the problems to the solution; from the pain to the healer, from his earthly trials to His heavenly reward.

Jeremiah knew the joy that comes from looking unto Him.

Oh friends, that we might not posture and position, fight and pretend like life is well when it isn’t.

Instead, might we be humble and authentic, tempered and genuine in our communication with God and connection with other people.

We are not enough.

We cannot stand alone.

God is the only one who can or will ever sustain us.

“For the Lord will not cast off forever.”

“He will show compassion.”

“He does not afflict willingly.”

A God of mercy stands on the other side of our pain. His love waits, remains, when all else falls away.

He is significant, when we lack position, purpose, or any hope of our own.

Our worth comes not from what we do, what we own, or who we know. Our worth comes from the God of heavens, who calls us His very own.

And in Him we can rest in perfect peace.

Then Jeremiah goes on, in faith and triumph, hope and with exaltation, not just to Himself, but also to his readers….

“You drew near on the day I called on you.”

“And said, ‘Do not fear'”

“You have redeemed my life.”

All the ashes and pieces, chared glass and jagged edges, He picks up by His grace, and calls us to not fear.

Then God draws near, not days, months, or years later. But here, now, in this moment.

He does not punish us with silence. He waits and responds on the very day we express to Him our desperate need of Him.

And then, as an act of unearned mercy, He pickes us up and makes us whole and healed.

He calls us unto Himself and redeems what we have known as trash, garbage, useless acts of selfishness, all amounting to nothing.

He pours His beauty in us. He floods us with light. And every cracked edge, every broken site, unable to hold water, shines light, like a vessel made for this very purpose.

Our pain and our heartache, our wounds and our grieving, were not acts of contempt meant to destroy us, but gifts of mercy, used to make use of the very vessels He has given us.

Our brokenness is enough. Our shaky cry to the God who made all things and waits for me and you, is enough.

Our bruised hearts and downturned eyes, our crushed spirits and our betrayed beings, can be like lights, placed high upon a hill that He uses for His glory.

And once, I thought we climb the hill to shine our light. We climb and strive and work harder to be lifted up, seen, visible to a dying nation…

But now I know, it is when we have become last, broken, unseen, and useless…

That is the exact moment God uses us. The very moment HE raises us higher and uses us greatest.

Lower IS higher.

We must marry the heart of Jeremiah. We must be a people, brave, vulnerable, unafraid of being weak. Nothing. Helpless. Useless….

Because only then, we see His glory.

Only then, our hearts are humble and contrite, moldable and willing to be taken by His hand, and changed into His purpose.

We are not our own. 

We are His.

And oh, that we may rest at His feet, Lamentations. There He makes us whole.

“It is of the LORD’S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.” (Lamentations 3:22)