When Perfectionism Strikes. And 5 Minutes With God.

I have a confession to make. I know it’s true….simply because of the discomfort I feel.  As I spit out this unflattering, unChristlike, prideful rising truth….

“I am a perfectionist.”

I often have this unsettled insistence that things be just perfect. In fact, when I was little….I used to go up and down the isles.  Aligning boxes in the grocery isle, so that they would reach the surface…all completely equal.

Yep, that’s right.  A little OCD.  🙂

I mean…..I keep this bar above my head that I constantly attempt reaching.  However, the higher it goes. The more I keep jumping.

And with perfectionism.  It is like having a bar placed so high…you can never possibly reach it.  No matter how high you jump.

And my legs are weakening.

This high jump life.  With beds not made.  And laundry reproducing.  Exhausting me.

I sit.  Rest.  Admitting.  I am weak.

There.  In the sofa of all my conjured up hopes and dreams.  Where imagining and envisioning….is my escape from reality.  Taking me away from the mundane around me.

See….I want to live simple.  But “Big Life” tends to come and take over.  Devouring, like a shark, in the deep waters of life.  Eating up the joy in this daily grind…..

And I want out.  Out of high tides.  Where life simply trickles.  Where I cannot drown.

Finding joy in the laundry.  Dishes.  Getting ready for soccer for the jumillionth time.

So I sit. Where truth is.  Rooted in Him.  Depleted of my own strength.

And I do what I have been needing for quite some time.  Instead of talking about my list. Instead of ranting to My Savior about what I want and what I am in need of….

I listen.  Simply listen.

And everything changes.

Like the sweet breath of a child’s whisper dancing straight through me….

His Words.  Relationship.  Heart to heart.  Breath to breath.  Changes everything.

And I hear….

And like a child being rocked by His Father’s words. My fighting spirit….surrenders.  Peace washes over. The revelation of His love again draws my fleeing soul.  Nearer.

And I realize.  Perfectionism is simply not knowing that we do not need to be perfect.  It is loving.  Accepting.  We are forgiven.  Loved….just the way we are.

Not because we are not broken.  But, despite the fact we are.

And who perfect…..needs a Savior?

And in the chaos of it all…..it took simply 5 minutes.  5 minutes of my day.  Close to God.  To change the way I think.  To reveal to me the unforgiveness I have been feeling that makes a young child line up boxes obsessively.

Taking off the weight.  Jumping into the deep.  Tensions subsiding.  Peace washing over me.

Stepping over the bar.  Now dropped to the floor.

Smiling inside.  And rising to go….

Do laundry.

What has God said to you lately?  Try stopping right where you are and spend 5 minutes with God?  What does He say?  How does He speak to you?  If you have a second to comment….I would really love to hear.

(Linking with Ann, Shanda, Michelle)