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How to Not Miss the Little Moments in Marriage.

16 Comments

He disappears.  Never a good sign when the house is full and the heart is empty.

Children run across dirty carpets. Retriever hovers desperately, though all her needs are met.

And then, an hour later he returns. Door shut behind, where I can’t see it.

Zombie-like, my eyes stay locked on our open field….hands sunk deep in dirty dishes.

The dishwasher broke…and time keeps teaching…there is no “magic fairy” washing what we are called to be tending.


 Unwarned, his gentle arm spins me around, grabbing my soapy hands, luring me away from my unenthusiastic duties. “Let me show you what I have done.”

I breathe heavy at the thought of yet another task left un-done.  But listen anyway to the one whose well-worn ring encircled soapily around my finger.

Our leaping seven-year old follows, and our foster daughter fusses.  But we place her in the runner that I have never run one day with…
And let the outdoors carry us, instead of our fears.
We shuffle through shadows, through the long uncut grass biting away at our toe-less shoes. 

Then I see it, the path in the woods he had been working on…while I was caught in the hurricane of household chores.

“Look, I made this path just for you.” 
And to be honest, initially, it didn’t seem particularly spectacular, while kids kept dancing, baby stays fussing, and my un-manicured grass-cut toes were asking, no pleading, to return to that well-worn, dirty carpet where dishes stacked taunting my conscious. 
But somehow in it all, standing there staring, like a veil lifting blindness in my greatest hour of darkness….I miraculously saw the fruit of my husband’s hands. And it was nothing short of, “beautiful”. 

This man who slays the blades, takes down wild trees, and attacks thorn bushes that seek to devour this field we both envisioned our grandchildren one day playing in, was offering this work of love…

One I would have missed, if I stayed doing dishes.

And sometimes in the strangest moments, our spouse’s surprise us. Coming like superheros, fighting mundane wars spinning us around, until we are standing in the open…though earth fights tenaciously to swallow us.
 

And through it all, un-magnificent days can bloom flowers of hope if we let them, though dishes distract from meaningful,  heart-felt…lasting things, like love.  

And it is here, in this soapy-handed trail amid the forest…I fall in love, again.

And I don’t know what it is about love?  But somehow, we have been told it is like quick sand.  Soft, pliable, all consuming….devouring every ounce of us, until we cannot breathe or escape from it.

But, I have found love to be more like cement. One minute drowning, and then somewhere along the way; between kids, and trials, and difficulties….

Love firms up to something solid, stable, concrete….something strong enough to stand and build houses on.

And on this solid foundation of love honoring, and respecting our husbands, following the self-sacrifical example of Jesus…

Paths are cut, lives are made, houses built that will not fall when dishes are stacked high, carpets beckon us to clean them…
And children try to steal away the eyes that you once looked upon and said, “till death do us part” with.
Because the truth of the matter is, forests of our marriage can eventually grow unknowingly, full with sticker bushes…
If we never stop doing dishes, if we worry about stained carpets, more than we care about the one we have committed to stay with through “thick and thin”.
The sun darts past the trees and onto the path before us, standing in the silence…while children try pulling us away from this moment.  Instead, I lock eyes with the one I want to grow old with.

And grabbing my husband’s hand I say, “Thank you.  It’s beautiful” instead.

For I can remember just how many times I let timber grow, stopping the light of others love from getting to my heart because I cared about appearance more than the thicket of my own heart.  And how easy it can be to follow “need to’s” and “have to’s”, instead of realizing love sometimes looks like a machette’d path there in the thickness of it all.

And oh friends, what if we were tree trimmers today?  Grass cutters in our marriages?  Blackberry bush slayers? Would our relationships with our spouses be different?  Would the light of His love shine down and widen the journeys before us?

I don’t know about you, but I have missed a lot of love…letting soapy hands and dirty dishes come between what’s temporary and those God has called me to love and put my trust in.

I have risen to boast of my works, complaining, or wanting to show others what I have done…Instead of stopping my world to focus on the one that will be here when shadows come, and children are grown and gone, when our health and our hopes and our dreams are just a stroll through one long paved road cut out just for us…

And I want it to be My Love who my hands lock tight with, my heart standing cement-like, never shaken, never doubting the firm foundation created by a yank of a soapy hand, the look in the eyes of the ones who faithfully cuts down bushes for us…
Because after two decades of marriage, what I have learned in this life is…..

Dirty dishes can wait…But a life lived focused on people, never, no never ever passes away.

What or who are you investing in today?

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16 Comments

  2. Jen, thank you for your thought-provoking post. How easy it is to get focused on all the “have-to-do’s” instead of looking at the moon or the freshly cut path! Thanks for writing and hosting. Donna

    Reply

    1. Donna – Oh ya, I hear ya sister! Those “need-to’s” tugging us away from what our hearts and souls ache for….

      Reply

    1. Thank you! Sometimes we miss those firm foundations in our lives and easily miss the blessings all around us! So thankful you are seeing yours, sweet friend!

      Reply

  4. Thank you so much for such a wonderful post about the path your husband made for you. Ah how the housework calls us and sometimes it is so hard to pull away when our husband wants us. We should pull away though and you found this so rewarding. Thanks for hosting today.

    Reply

    1. Judith – You sweet soul! Not sure how or why our “need-to’s” ever began to trump our “want-to’s”. But yes, may we all be drawn to our loves eternal…more than the endless tasks that seem so important in the moment! A lesson I am (and will probably forever be learning) 🙂

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  6. Oh Jen…how true and how beautifully said. How many times…but I want to stop and thank God for cement and paths and love. To take soapy hands and leave the dishes. And to say thank you.

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    1. Pamela – Oh yes, why are the best things, the things we too often most miss! Here is too stepping outdoors and feeling, living, breathing in everything God has for us!

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    1. Susan – Oh friend, I wish I could say I have always seen the beauty in those around me, and been thankful for those little things surrounding me every moment…but I haven’t! It is only His grace and the continual prayer that God would open my eyes to see what matters most, where everything has changed! Have a great week ahead! Thanks for sharing & blessings to you and your “gift” God has given you in your husband!

      Reply

  8. Really lovely, Jen. I wish I could see that path, but I certainly could see the way it led to your heart! I must admit, I take my husband’s thoughtfulness for granted way too often. I get distracted by so many things. Thank you for the reminder to look at him and appreciate him today.

    GOD BLESS!

    Reply

    1. Sharon – Oh, I think we ALL take what is most familiar for granted. We look to the grande times and moments and people who seem to radically impact our lives…when all the while, the greatest love of our lives is right here beside us! I pray for us both today, dear friend, that God would reveal the beauty in the hand that we hold, the ones closest to us today…! Always love seeing you here Sharon! Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

      Reply

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