Tears flooded my face like Niagara Falls that first time I stood in front of the church to pray before service started.
“Are you o.k.” The pastor who had requested me to be on the prayer ministry investigated me wiping my eyes over and over.
“Who was I?” I thought. Just six months earlier I was stuck in Guatemala, wondering what the point of “real faith” was. Wondering what made people like Steve pack up all he had and move to the mountains to reach remote people in this Guatemala with the gospel.
I had devoured the book of Acts, and abandoned the “lukewarm faith” I had been living in previously.
But now, I was standing in a circle, and was being asked to lay hands on people and pray for them?
Yes, I had been set free from tormenting demons, had shared my testimony of God’s goodness, and had even seen the light of His footprints ever before me leading….
But to pray for others? To get out of myself and really use something that I had no idea what or how? It just seemed far too big of a stretch.
But maybe that’s why they chose me…maybe that’s why God chooses any of us, really. We can be His tool most when we have absolutely no faith, no confidence, no sense of ability in and of ourselves. I knew I had no ability, to pray for others, in and of myself.
I had been the one who ran “out of the room” when the phone had rung as a child. I had been the one who skipped school so I wouldn’t have to speak in from of my classroom.
I was useless in front of people. Useless to in any way that had to do with communication.
But isn’t that just like our God. He uses the weakest things in us, our deficits, our obstacles, and most broken spots….to glorify Himself most.
Yes, it was time I had to stand up, and give my faith feet….He had done so much for me…It was time to try standing and being what He wanted me to be vs. crawling for crumbs like I had envisioned I had been doing.
Yes, it was time to stand. And time to walk.
But walking for the first time can be like a parasitic using legs he or she didn’t know they had prior to His grace.
I stood, but was crying…no weeping. Shaking, I put one foot in front of the other, still in disbelief that He could do anything, let along use a broken vessel like me….
9 Comments
Courage, Jen – that’s what this post says to me. Spirit-infused, supernatural courage. It is amazing what God can do with broken and cracked vessels. He can mend them gently until they overflow with Living Water.
GOD BLESS!
Sharon – Yes, it’s amazing how when we have no strength, He equips us to do things we never thoughts we could do apart from Him! Thanks for reading Sharon, and for your comment! 🙂
Amen!
Jen, I am not sure where God is calling me or for what right now. I have been caregiving to Mama and ministering to other residents of nursing home, assisted living, senior resident for so long. NOW WHAT? I ask. Silence. But in His time, He will lead me. I so want to have my feet ready for Him.
Thank you for your words to my heart. And thank you for stopping by Being Woven with your strong and precious words.
Caring through Christ, ~ linda
You ain’t a kiddin’ 🙂 That’s the spirit (said literally and figuratively). lol I’ve seen this too, and isn’t it wonderful the peace you feel when you’ve listened and done something, even when it scared/intimidated you? 🙂
Thank you for linking this post to Super Sunday Sync. 🙂
Linda – Oh how precious how you have been honoring your mom. Thankful that those “faithful in the little” moments, never go unseen by God. May your every word to her, your presence be the Balm of Gilead. Praying for you as you do this blessed, honorable task, my friend.
Mail4rosey – Yes, and for me, anyway, I think it’s these “I don’t want to”, but “I know I have to” moments where God stretches us and uses us most!
Dear Jen
Oh, I agree 100%. Blessed are the poor in spirit for they are empty vessels for our Pappa to display His glory through. If we had it all together, dear friend, I don’t think we would have lived with such dependency on Him. I think we also would not have learned how to ALWAYS abide in our sweet Lord Jesus. You are such an inspiration through all your tears.
Blessings XX
Mia
Oh been there, done that!! Beautiful post. ♥
Mia – God was just showing me this morning friend, how our dependency is actually a gift. Thanks for your comment Mia!
Nannette – So glad you can relate! Thanks for reading!