Little did I know, as the worship slowed, the people kneeling on the floor were exactly those who I was instructed to go pray over.
Though I had been set free from horrific fears, I was still pretty shy. So to walk in front of the church and lay hands on people horrified me.
But who was I, after all? Didn’t God find me when I first entered the building? Hadn’t people spoken to the core of what I was feeling? Hadn’t others prayed, those secrets no one could see, but me?
Why did I ever get that I was o.k. apart from God? O.k….just trying on religion, going through the motions, without ever feeling the freedom He died to give me?
Why did I settle for lifeless, when Christ died that I might have life and have it abundantly?
How my life had transformed from the point that I committed to devouring the scriptures for myself.
I fasted that first day, and every day after I was to pray; in hopes that it would be God who spoke through me…and not my flesh or any piece of my own logic speaking over people.
I crunched low, tip toeing through those touched by the revival in this new church I had known.
How could God touch so many? How did new people walk in the doors and so quickly, so effortlessly end up prostrate before a bunch of strangers? Why had I (the composed one) willingly abandoned myself to God, among a group of people I had never met?
What led them to fall upon their faces before a living God? What brought tears, and hugs, smiling, and freedom from those who had been wrapped up in the web of their own sin, or religion?
I knew the answer…
- The same Spirit that made the blind man call out to God.
- The same Spirit that drew the lady with the blood disorder to touch the cloak for healing.
- The same Spirit that drew the leper to be lowered slowly through the room of the building by his friends.
Yes, He alone has the transforming power. And when we are sick, we know we need a healer. Yet, the healthy….well, scripture tells us, they often fail to request a physician.
And there is just something about revival, being in His presence that makes us see ourselves as needy, broken, empty, helpless….lost without the living God to save us.
It is with His holiness as our mirror, even the most healthy will be desperate to be pure, longing for a touch from God. And it is there He shines His light on what once was hidden beneath our cloaks of unbelieving, pride, and self-indulgence.
When we are in the fullness of the presence, we will be like the multitude upon the hill, waiting for His voice to speak to us…and nothing, literally, nothing else will matter.
Our stomachs might be hungry, our mouths thirsty for something tangible….but we will be so desperate for the spiritual, that we will sacrifice anything to hear His voice out there in the desert.
Little did I know then that God really does perform miracles today. He really does multiply fish and loaves…whatever we bring Him.
Little did I know, He is a miracle working God. God, in my minds eye prior to this move of love, was no more that a “good” man. Like I had thought I was….
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