Has He Called You To “Go”? A Goodbye.

Things are scattered all over my room.  Suitcase open.  Ready to be filled.  And I too, am unzipped, empty, ready to embark on the adventure coming….

Grace beckoning, God fill me, as He wishes.

And I fight against the thoughts, that cry out for answers.  And though God is a God of order….

Sometimes He only reveals the very next step before you….Asking us to have faith to move forward…Even when we can’t see, the rest of the staircase.

And this trust walk is what said “yes”.  To a stranger.  A dream.  A heart cry.  That leads me….

Away from all I know. The comfort I feel.  In the walls of my home.  Here.  Where my family is.

And although sometimes we are simply carried.  As if riding on wings like eagles. My six year old seems most clearly to understand the meaning of it all…..

“Thank you for the cross.  Thank you that you died for us.  Thank you that you love us soooo much.”

These early morning prayers.  Filled with a gust of faith rejecting all fears and boldly declaring.  Adamantly.  Wholeheartedly.

God saves. God saved her. She knows it. She was adopted.  

And it is the inheritance of a adopted life.  This reason why I leave.

• It’s the reason, I walk from the comfort of a home that has everything I have ever dreamed.
• It’s the reason I get on a plane and fly a world away, to a dark orphanage, where children scream.  And day after day after day after day……nobody listens.  
• It’s the reason I see things, no human ever should see. Children tied up.  The limbless running toward us, desperately looking for love….

In a orphanage. There.  Forgotten. In China.

Yes, who would I be, to think God only loves certain people?  That He is not just, or good, or Sovereign over all people, all places, all species?  

How self-righteous would that be?

So, I must go.  Not because I want to.  But because I have to.

Carried.  Drawn. Led by the Spirit.

And sometimes His path isn’t always comfortable. Yet, His yoke is easy, if we say “yes”.  Fully.  “Yes” from the depth of our emptiness.

But oh, the years of unpacking. The gentle. And sometimes not so gentle.  Careful.  Loving ridding me.  Of so much I have carried around like luggage.  Unneeded. For far too long.

And it is now. I lay myself down.  Open.  Empty.  Desperate…..Like the shell of this man-made suitcase.  Crying to be filled.  

And I wait.  Arms open.  Life abandoned.  Desperate for His Spirit to pour out upon me now.

So, in Him.  I might be complete.

And I know, it will be as I go.  He fills.  It is not because He fills I go.  But, as I go….He fills.

Because I am learning, it is only soft clay.  Empty vessels.  Surrendered people.  Willing to be molded that He uses.

And against all my flesh desire to pack things as I think they should me.  I remain empty and say, “I trust you.“

Here.  Lain barren.  Open.  Empty.  Like this suitcase.

Asking Him.  Fill me.

So that I might be His mouthpiece and love like Jesus did.

For I am not my own, but a bond-servant of Jesus Christ.


Linking with Barbie @ Weekend Brew