20 Do’s and Don’ts For A Lasting Marriage

Wedding

1.  Do. Smile when your spouse walks in the door. (As if they have just come back from a long deployment) 

2.  Do. Find one thing you & your spouse love to do. Do it. Together. Often.

Dating is not over-rated! 

3.  Do. Give space to those people that weigh your marriage down. (In-laws. Friends. Co-Workers etc) Cleave primarily to your spouse. Friends will come & go, but your spouse will be there. Forever.

4.  Don’t. Give into the lies. You were made for each other. Divorce is not an option.

5.  Don’t. Judge yourself or your spouse too strictly. No marriage is perfect. It’s not about being June and Ward Cleaver…it’s about growing and learning to love, letting faith rise…all along the journey.

6.  Don’t. Believe….the grass is greenest. Wherever you are at. Fertilize.

7.  Do. Laugh. Laugh frequently. Laugh often. Laugh at yourself.

Fun is not a sin but a great equalizer in marriage. 

8.  Do. Lavish praise & encouragement like Scott’s Winterizer. Cold days will come.

9.  Do. Store up faith for when days are hard. Have a “Blessings basket” or journal filled with writings of God’s goodness. Refer back to it, when life seems like it has more scars, than miracles.

10.  Don’t. Go to bed mad. In fact, don’t go to bed at all, if you are fighting. Work it out.

A few hours less of sleep is worth a lifetime of a happy marriage.

11.  Don’t. Stop communicating. Silence is more dangerous than truth. Beware when you stop talking. That’s when danger strikes. Keep talking…even if it means, at times, a few heated fights.

12.  Don’t. Isolate.

13.  Do. Give, serve, and bless your spouse. Especially, when they don’t deserve it. Anyone can love when it is easy or when another has “earned” it.

Love lavished undeserved, heals a thousand wounds. 

14.  Do. Forgive. Do. Forgive some more.

15.  Do. Say your sorry. Over and over and over. Sincerely. (But, Don’t be a doormat)

16.  Do. Pray for humility. Pray for your own humility, but also for your families. Pray especially for your spouse. Daily. Often. That God would give them eyes to see as God sees them. That they would be guarded and protected.

17.  Do. Listen. When in doubt….don’t speak. Silence says so much more than nagging, bickering, bruising words of hate or carelessness.

Respect is the foundation for a cathedral of happiness. 

18.  Do. Hug every day. 20 seconds. Without saying anything. (If you are brave…you can do this 2x a day.) My husband & I do this & it is powerful! Thanks Judi! 

19.  Do. Come together under Christ. Pray together. Talk about God together. Go to church together. Have Christian friends you see together. Share your genuine faith with each other.

20.  Don’t. Judge. Or compare. Yourself. With others. Rome wasn’t built in a day & a fully functioning, healthy marriage takes a ton of work & lots of time.

O.k. Here is a few more do’s and don’ts…..

  • Do. Give yourself grace. 
  • Don’t. Look around. (Chances are the people’s marriages that look the healthiest are the very one’s that are on the verge of failing.) 
  • Do. Be the best person in the marriage you can be. 

And do. Believe. God can do miracles.  He can heal.  He can redeem.  And He has given you… The Perfect Person.

And yes, He knows…. 

The exact spouse you’ve needed!

O.K. Now it’s your turn!  
I would love to hear YOUR do’s and don’t for a lasting marriage!

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Jen Avellaneda

Jen is an adoptive, foster, & bio mom to trans-racial family. She speaks, writes, & passionately advocates for the orphan domestically & internationally with her husband of twenty-five years.
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6 Comments

  1. These are wonderful!!!! Thank you!!!! We need to be reminded! Here are some of mine…I think I may have repeated some. I also used “him”, but its for all of us. Wives and husbands.

    Tell your spouse you love him. Really love him. More today than ever before.

    Let him know you are proud of him. For all he does for his family. He is worth it.

    Thank him. Just because, or for a specific reason. Let him know you appreciate him. Let him know you are thankful that God brought you together.

    Just like hugs, hold hands, be connected.

    Look at each other in the eyes.

    Be there, in the present, listen! They need to know you can listen.

    Pray for one another. There’s power in prayer!

    God Bless! Thank you Jen for your love and faith!

  2. Beautiful words – we have been married 41 years and the one that really struck me is:
    4. Don’t. Give into the lies. You were made for each other. Divorce is not an option.

    This is so true. We never in all these years have considered divorce – we are in it for the long haul both of us… for joy, for sorrow, for richer, for poorer.

    Thanking God for my hubby,
    Janis

  3. hi these are very powerful and wonderful point will use them on my new journey and i hope God can really give you more wisdom and love for little ones thank you.

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